creature feature/zombie Archive

The movie, if you can call it that (I suppose you can since there is movement), is similar in structure to the first entry. The main character Mike brings his friends to his grandparents' house for a Halloween where they dress up as their innermost fears. Mike's fear is that he's inherited a homicidal legacy from his father. Everyone else's fear seems to be as believable as any complication in any Disney channel afterschool show.

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What can we say about this one? Corey Haim and Gary Busey star in a movie that may have been really really bad, instead of just really bad, had they not signed on. If you like Busey and enjoy his energy, this is a must-see. And if you dislike Corey Haim and his lack of energy, this is a must-see. There's also a werewolf in the film too, just for those with questions.

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Cannibals from the sewers have begun to claim victims nightly. The police are asleep. John Heard and Daniel Stern are on the case. Just who you'd pick for the job, huh? Well, this movie has its glory days a little too late, unfortunately enough. The first half of the movie is constipated with long speeches, some of which are held in a board room in city hall. Hey, if we wanted to watch that shit we'd turn on a local channel. Nevertheless, when the CHUDS come out in full force, this movie becomes really fun, and funny.

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Morty, the killer wooden man who never really kills anyone. That's what you can expect from the THE FEAR, a psychological horror movie that has you begging for a conclusion after the first twenty minutes. The three collaborators at the Stinkyard: Roachito, Giggles and Shortstick found themselves in an existential loop while watching this Turdo Grande. It could have been better with the wooden man premise, but the film instead wants torture us with monotony and lobotomize us with mediocrity.

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RED WATER wants to be a shark movie with an edge, but all it really does is display how Lou Diamond Phillip's got the big Hollywood shaft after LA BAMBA. Kristy Swanson lends her breasts to entice the short-attention span (me want more shark) viewers, and Coolio lends his gansta-ness to the crime aspect of the plot-- in other words, the movie's producers needed a popular rapper's face to sell the movie to black people. The only redeeming elements to the film seem to be the shark and Lou Diamond. Neither are compromising in their art, whether it's screaming bad lines in a vein-bursting tirade, or chewing up a swimmer with a big bottom.

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Tobe Hooper was quite an impressive director at one time. Maybe he blew his wad on THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE so he could do film like CROCODILE, but I think it's really about turning out a cheap product for horror fans to eat up. Sometimes, even those lesser attempts end-up being fun. Not this time though. CROCODILE plays only one note from being to end. It reminded me of child that's making a sound as long as they can, waiting to run out of breath (or 90 minutes). Oh if this movie were a child, I'd swat the back of his head and give him reverse hiccups!

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I WAS A TEENAGE ZOMBIE plays like a fiddler with no arms, but there's other movies you can find yourself in front of that offer up horribleness in larger amounts. In other words, it's not dreadfully bad, or zero-fun to watch. Yet it does remind us of My Boyfriend's Back, which came out later on. Should we give credit where credit's due? Nope.

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We kick off Season 2 at the Stink Yard with a creature-feature classic from the land of black and white featuring a harsh looking sheriff and killer ants. Them! is loaded with fire power, credible actors, and much more.

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We at the Stinkyard were none too pleased by the lack of acting found in Romero's third zombie movie. So we decided recast it ourselves in a mini-article. We won't say too much else, except that Blacula is involved.

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