"Hercules In New York"

Reviewed by : Giggles

 

This story begins by describing a place in time. To quote, "When myth and history turned into Mystery."

Okay, well, yeah, or one could just as easily say, "When Piss and Shit turned into a movie."

But goddamnit anyway! This movie is too much cheesy fun to deny. It makes me want to watch all of those early Arnold movies before he hit it big in Conan.

And do yourself a favor, if you rent it or blind-buy it, listen to the movie with ARNOLD'S VOICE. The other vocal track makes him sound like the rest of the foreign horde of Hercules that have graced the not-so silver screen.

 

"Aye dawn't wahnt to be named Ahnald Strong! It's a pussy name! Let me keep my long, hahd-to-spell Austrian name or I'll reach dawhn into yah stomach and break yah gohddamn spine!"

 

Ever see that Twilight Zone with the gremlin on the plan? Terror at 20,000 Feet?

This is a subtle reminder that Arnold knows how to work up old ladies with just a flick of his fingers.

 

I believe there are plenty of places on the Internet to find the plot of this movie. Some are probably even eloquently stated, but you won't find plot here at Youngmanridge. You're on your own with that shit. Just look up there and enjoy the big hulking baffoon getting choked and stop wondering why. Let it be.

Upon being queried as to why Hercules kicked some guy's ass, he actually answers, "He's most disagreeable and he irritated me."

Well all right then.

"Aye dahwn't like you Woody Allen. Thas why I'm gawhna kill you first."

VaVoom! What a hottie! Too bad she's all dopey over Mr.Hercalicious.

Titty Dance everyone!

"Aye wahs just wahndering if you were a Kennedy."

Hercules can stop anybody. Even guys in brown bear suits.

"Come and sit on Herkie's lap. You can tell me who is your Daddy and what does he do?"

Hercules's body building nemesis: MONSTRO THE MAGNIFICENT!

"Hurry up you stoopid hawrses! I need to shit!"

A touching scene with Hercules's friend Pretzie (a Pretzel Salesman-- he does it for the money).

Hercules's voice comes over the radio and he tells Pretzie not to grieve about his departure. He adds that, while he safely made his way back to Mount Olympus, there will sadly never be another Hercules movie starring the governor of California.

So we are only left then with fond memories.