| Quickie
Reviews |
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| Ginger Snaps |
| Rating: 2/5 |
| Reviewed by: Shortstick |
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If Daria from Beavis and
Butt-head turned into a werewolf minus her wit,
the outcome might have been similar to Ginger
Snaps. Ginger and Brigitte, sick and twisted
sisters filled with teen angst, encounter a
werewolf. Ginger is attacked by the werewolf,
leading to her eventual transformation into
a Ginger Wolf. A dull conflict arises between
the sisters, leading to an even duller conclusion.
In typical horror movie fashion, the viewer
is left fumbling for answers like “Damn,
Brigitte had the cure for werewolfism, but why
didn’t she use it on her sister?”
Fans of this film might point to the “pact”
the sisters had to take their own lives as the
answer to this question. I just don’t
buy it.
Perhaps if I was an angry teenager
who liked to explore the many problems that
females face in society, Ginger Snaps would
have appealed to me. |
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| May |
| Rating: 4/5 |
| Reviewed by: Giggles |
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“May” is one
of those introspective, meditative, brooding
and ominous films that seem like a long, onerous
trip up a roller coaster peak. The fun of the
movie, and the horror, come when the coaster
at last plummets over the edge. Sure, we have
a payoff of only twenty minutes, but the creepiness
of the film will linger with you for some time.
The story is simple. We start with a young woman,
whose goober-factor should be represented by
calculating a limit to infinity, growing-up
isolated and socially-retarded. Her ambitions
to find a life mate are set to percolating when
she gets a pair of contact lenses that allow
her lazy eye to go straight. As she weirds her
way into one man’s heart, (Jeremy Sisto),
she begins to slowly realize that people are
going to use her, rather than love her, and
thus the lunacy blossoms and we see a May who
finally has purpose and a storehouse of confidence
that we never could have anticipated.
There is great acting in the movie, especially
on Angela Bettis’s (May) part, which
is supported by a cast of competent actors.
Anna Farris’s lustful lesbian character
seemed a little contrived to me, but hey,
I didn’t mind ignoring her super-insatiable
desire; I just looked at her, drool-mouthed.
But the plot progresses at its own emotional
rate, not the viewers, so those audience members
with short-attention-spans should be forewarned:
this movie May not be for you.
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| Slumber Party Massacre |
| Rating: 2/5 |
| Reviewed by: Giggles |
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I know this is a classic
to many people. That's why the idea of seeing
it, while appearing to be a good idea, clearly
is a false impression. The story involves a
bunch of teen girls that have a slumber party
and are systematically killed by a middle-aged
man known as the Drill Killer. Another girl,
who isn't invited to the party because of her
basketball talent, serves as the perimeter character.
You know, the last female standing in the horror
movie cliche.
Some people love this movie, but for me,
it was too typical to really enjoy. Maybe
if I didn't watch so many slasher movies,
I wouldn't be extremely picky with films like
this. But when you've been in the trenches
of cheese, the nostalgic value of a horror
movie goes straight through the window. Can
we judge SPM on the merits of its presentation
during the time of its release? "Poltergeist",
"Friday the 13th part 3", John Carpenter's
"The Thing," and "Creepshow"
were all released in 1982 as well. So, I think
not.
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| Dog Soldiers |
| Rating: 3.5/5 |
| Reviewed by: Shortstick |
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Dog Soldiers is a Predator and Night of the
Living Dead hybrid with werewolves thrown
in as the antagonists. We originally had this
slated as a "Stink Yard" review,
but after watching it, we kind of figured
that it wasn't really Stink Yard material
(hence, it became a quickie review). For the
most part, it was a pretty good movie. From
time to time however, it would take a break
from being a good movie and leap into mediocrity.
And it would forget to explain what was going
on with the movie. To be fair, this might
have had something to do with the heavy British
accents the actors had.
The only really, really weak point of the
movie was the ending. It was one of those
"what the fuck just happened?" kind
of endings. To put it another way, the ending
fell short in comparison to the rest of the
movie. For a werewolf movie, it was pretty
good (much better than Ginger Snaps) and there
are far worse movies to waste your time with.
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| Halo 2 |
| Rating: 9/10 |
| Reviewed by: Giggles |
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The one thing that
a good sequel does is up the ante. Take
SUPERMAN 2, for instance... Superman has
3 super-villains to take on PLUS Lex Luther.
Wow. |
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Bungie wisely understands a good
sequel formula, and this new chapter in the war between
the Covenant and the humans demonstrates how accurately
they use it. Although he's very cool, HALO's main
character, the Master Chief, could only be interesting
for so long. We've already seen that the guy can do
some serious damage and save the day, and we would
expect he would be strenuously focused on in the next
game.
Yet, we are given a new character
to play, along with levels that are helmed again by
the MC. This opens a mystery for the new character
and at the same time leaves the mystery of the Master
Chief intact (because we really don't want to see
what's under his helmet, do we? People will just complain
when they're finally shown anyway).
HALO 2 is another triumph for 1st-person
shooters. Beating the game in strategic pieces, you
can polish it off in a leisurely week, but the experience
won't leave you wanting (well maybe for a few more
levels). The only reason why I, personally, wouldn't
rate this a perfect score is the lack of recognition
for the difficulty levels.
In other, less pained words: if you
beat a level on the infamous LEGENDARY difficulty,
the game rolls on as though you've just beat the game
on EASY. There is no payoff. At all. In the first
HALO each level had an indication of what difficulties
were mastered. On this one, nothing.
Oh well. Small criticism for a really
exciting, well done game. My personal favorite moment
was a level where you're aboard a free-falling city
that seems to be falling infinitely down into oblivion.
What an awesome, awesome level design. |
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| Bloodrayne II |
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| Reviewed by: Roachito |
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One look
at the voluptuous Rayne and I was hooked. The first
game was fun to play. It had great guns, greater cheat
codes, and everyone's favorite - lots of dead Nazis.
So when I heard there was a sequel I just had to play
it. Being that it was a game I'd already decided not
to buy, I rented it for a weekend.
I knew my time
with this game would be short so I made the decision
to optimize my game play. That's right, I cheated.
Once again, great codes! Not only can you enter god
mode, you can dress Rayne in fantastically sexy clothes.
Just what I always wanted - Slayer Barbie.
After you push
those amazingly big tits aside, you may realize that
Bloodrayne II actually tries to get serious. The first
installment seemed to be about happily ending nazis
by introducing them to Bloodrayne's blades or lips,
it that's your thing. While the second focuses on
the troubled Rayne as she seeks out her roots. I must
say, the cut scenes are fun to watch. There's a wonderful
play all movies feature that unlocks after beating
the game that allows you to curl up with some popcorn
and watch 25 continuous minutes of Bloodrayne II.
I found the
game lacking a little something. Instead of having
an array of firearms available to you, Rayne has only
one. She has the same ranged weapon throughout the
entire game. Though it is a really cool gun that fires
blood projectiles to kill vamps and is upgradeable
as the game progresses, I still thought it was kind
of boring. Well, what are you going to do, bullets
don't kill vampires so you gotta use blood projectiles
and Smith and Wesson isn't exactly in that market.
Regardless, Bloodrayne II is a fun rental and I would
recommend it to most gamers. Also, I was pleased with
the game difficulty. If I hadn't of cheated I probably
would not have beat it so soon, which means you get
your money's worth. |
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| Gerry |
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| Reviewed by: Roachito |
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The other
night, I decided to check up on some movies I'd recorded
off the Sundance channel. As I searched my recorded
items I came across, "Gerry." Two friends,
with the same first name, get lost in the desert .
. . starring Casey Affleck and Matt Damon, I sensed
it might be pretty good.
After fastfowarding
the first twenty minutes or so, I finally came across
some dialogue. You see, my previous sentence fairly
describes the whole movie - fastfowarding through
through incredibly long shots, searching for more
amazingly wonderful conversations. There are two interactions
that stand out clearly in my memory. One, involves
Affleck's character recounting his campaign that led
to him conquering Thebes. If you're a gamer, you will
find this part especially touching.
My other favorite
scene has Affleck marooned upon a rock. Damon comes
to his aide. The comic genius that follows can be
described in two words - dirt pillow. You'll just
have to see the film to know what I mean. So if you
want to see a movie that was just like your last relationship
(a little too drawn out, with some really great times
thrown in here and there) then check out Gerry. I
fear though that this film may be lost to the general
viewing public, probably relying on film students
for viewership. Hmm, think of it this way, if you
could make it through that Tom Hanks movie with the
volleyball, you should be able to make it through
this. Gerry is kind of like a vitamin, it won't taste
good, but it's probably good for you.
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