Youngmanridge.com - Quickie Reviews
 
Quickie Reviews are for movies or video games (or really anything for that matter) that for one reason or another don't deserve a full review. Some of the movies are serious (like May) and don't really fit into our Stink Yard style of reviews. A few might be cheesy enough to be in the Stink Yard, but we didn't feel that the movie warranted enough material for a full review.
 

Quickie Reviews

 
       
Ginger Snaps
Rating: 2/5
Reviewed by: Shortstick
 
If Daria from Beavis and Butt-head turned into a werewolf minus her wit, the outcome might have been similar to Ginger Snaps. Ginger and Brigitte, sick and twisted sisters filled with teen angst, encounter a werewolf. Ginger is attacked by the werewolf, leading to her eventual transformation into a Ginger Wolf. A dull conflict arises between the sisters, leading to an even duller conclusion. In typical horror movie fashion, the viewer is left fumbling for answers like “Damn, Brigitte had the cure for werewolfism, but why didn’t she use it on her sister?” Fans of this film might point to the “pact” the sisters had to take their own lives as the answer to this question. I just don’t buy it.

Perhaps if I was an angry teenager who liked to explore the many problems that females face in society, Ginger Snaps would have appealed to me.

 
 
May
Rating: 4/5
Reviewed by: Giggles
 
“May” is one of those introspective, meditative, brooding and ominous films that seem like a long, onerous trip up a roller coaster peak. The fun of the movie, and the horror, come when the coaster at last plummets over the edge. Sure, we have a payoff of only twenty minutes, but the creepiness of the film will linger with you for some time. The story is simple. We start with a young woman, whose goober-factor should be represented by calculating a limit to infinity, growing-up isolated and socially-retarded. Her ambitions to find a life mate are set to percolating when she gets a pair of contact lenses that allow her lazy eye to go straight. As she weirds her way into one man’s heart, (Jeremy Sisto), she begins to slowly realize that people are going to use her, rather than love her, and thus the lunacy blossoms and we see a May who finally has purpose and a storehouse of confidence that we never could have anticipated.

There is great acting in the movie, especially on Angela Bettis’s (May) part, which is supported by a cast of competent actors. Anna Farris’s lustful lesbian character seemed a little contrived to me, but hey, I didn’t mind ignoring her super-insatiable desire; I just looked at her, drool-mouthed. But the plot progresses at its own emotional rate, not the viewers, so those audience members with short-attention-spans should be forewarned: this movie May not be for you.

 
 
Slumber Party Massacre
Rating: 2/5
Reviewed by: Giggles
 
I know this is a classic to many people. That's why the idea of seeing it, while appearing to be a good idea, clearly is a false impression. The story involves a bunch of teen girls that have a slumber party and are systematically killed by a middle-aged man known as the Drill Killer. Another girl, who isn't invited to the party because of her basketball talent, serves as the perimeter character. You know, the last female standing in the horror movie cliche.

Some people love this movie, but for me, it was too typical to really enjoy. Maybe if I didn't watch so many slasher movies, I wouldn't be extremely picky with films like this. But when you've been in the trenches of cheese, the nostalgic value of a horror movie goes straight through the window. Can we judge SPM on the merits of its presentation during the time of its release? "Poltergeist", "Friday the 13th part 3", John Carpenter's "The Thing," and "Creepshow" were all released in 1982 as well. So, I think not.

 
 
Dog Soldiers
Rating: 3.5/5
Reviewed by: Shortstick
 

Dog Soldiers is a Predator and Night of the Living Dead hybrid with werewolves thrown in as the antagonists. We originally had this slated as a "Stink Yard" review, but after watching it, we kind of figured that it wasn't really Stink Yard material (hence, it became a quickie review). For the most part, it was a pretty good movie. From time to time however, it would take a break from being a good movie and leap into mediocrity. And it would forget to explain what was going on with the movie. To be fair, this might have had something to do with the heavy British accents the actors had.

The only really, really weak point of the movie was the ending. It was one of those "what the fuck just happened?" kind of endings. To put it another way, the ending fell short in comparison to the rest of the movie. For a werewolf movie, it was pretty good (much better than Ginger Snaps) and there are far worse movies to waste your time with.

 
 
Halo 2
Rating: 9/10
Reviewed by: Giggles
 
The one thing that a good sequel does is up the ante. Take SUPERMAN 2, for instance... Superman has 3 super-villains to take on PLUS Lex Luther. Wow.
 

Bungie wisely understands a good sequel formula, and this new chapter in the war between the Covenant and the humans demonstrates how accurately they use it. Although he's very cool, HALO's main character, the Master Chief, could only be interesting for so long. We've already seen that the guy can do some serious damage and save the day, and we would expect he would be strenuously focused on in the next game.

Yet, we are given a new character to play, along with levels that are helmed again by the MC. This opens a mystery for the new character and at the same time leaves the mystery of the Master Chief intact (because we really don't want to see what's under his helmet, do we? People will just complain when they're finally shown anyway).

HALO 2 is another triumph for 1st-person shooters. Beating the game in strategic pieces, you can polish it off in a leisurely week, but the experience won't leave you wanting (well maybe for a few more levels). The only reason why I, personally, wouldn't rate this a perfect score is the lack of recognition for the difficulty levels.

In other, less pained words: if you beat a level on the infamous LEGENDARY difficulty, the game rolls on as though you've just beat the game on EASY. There is no payoff. At all. In the first HALO each level had an indication of what difficulties were mastered. On this one, nothing.

Oh well. Small criticism for a really exciting, well done game. My personal favorite moment was a level where you're aboard a free-falling city that seems to be falling infinitely down into oblivion. What an awesome, awesome level design.

 

 
Bloodrayne II
 
Reviewed by: Roachito
 
 
 

One look at the voluptuous Rayne and I was hooked. The first game was fun to play. It had great guns, greater cheat codes, and everyone's favorite - lots of dead Nazis. So when I heard there was a sequel I just had to play it. Being that it was a game I'd already decided not to buy, I rented it for a weekend.

I knew my time with this game would be short so I made the decision to optimize my game play. That's right, I cheated. Once again, great codes! Not only can you enter god mode, you can dress Rayne in fantastically sexy clothes. Just what I always wanted - Slayer Barbie.

After you push those amazingly big tits aside, you may realize that Bloodrayne II actually tries to get serious. The first installment seemed to be about happily ending nazis by introducing them to Bloodrayne's blades or lips, it that's your thing. While the second focuses on the troubled Rayne as she seeks out her roots. I must say, the cut scenes are fun to watch. There's a wonderful play all movies feature that unlocks after beating the game that allows you to curl up with some popcorn and watch 25 continuous minutes of Bloodrayne II.

I found the game lacking a little something. Instead of having an array of firearms available to you, Rayne has only one. She has the same ranged weapon throughout the entire game. Though it is a really cool gun that fires blood projectiles to kill vamps and is upgradeable as the game progresses, I still thought it was kind of boring. Well, what are you going to do, bullets don't kill vampires so you gotta use blood projectiles and Smith and Wesson isn't exactly in that market. Regardless, Bloodrayne II is a fun rental and I would recommend it to most gamers. Also, I was pleased with the game difficulty. If I hadn't of cheated I probably would not have beat it so soon, which means you get your money's worth.

 

 
Gerry
 
Reviewed by: Roachito
 
 
 

The other night, I decided to check up on some movies I'd recorded off the Sundance channel. As I searched my recorded items I came across, "Gerry." Two friends, with the same first name, get lost in the desert . . . starring Casey Affleck and Matt Damon, I sensed it might be pretty good.

After fastfowarding the first twenty minutes or so, I finally came across some dialogue. You see, my previous sentence fairly describes the whole movie - fastfowarding through through incredibly long shots, searching for more amazingly wonderful conversations. There are two interactions that stand out clearly in my memory. One, involves Affleck's character recounting his campaign that led to him conquering Thebes. If you're a gamer, you will find this part especially touching.

My other favorite scene has Affleck marooned upon a rock. Damon comes to his aide. The comic genius that follows can be described in two words - dirt pillow. You'll just have to see the film to know what I mean. So if you want to see a movie that was just like your last relationship (a little too drawn out, with some really great times thrown in here and there) then check out Gerry. I fear though that this film may be lost to the general viewing public, probably relying on film students for viewership. Hmm, think of it this way, if you could make it through that Tom Hanks movie with the volleyball, you should be able to make it through this. Gerry is kind of like a vitamin, it won't taste good, but it's probably good for you.