The baseball season is over, the NBA may as well hand the Lakers the title, the Raiders suck in the NFL, college sports are more fun to watch on Sports Center than watching the whole game, and the Raiders suck (I wish I could write a whole article that just said “Raiders Suck”). Since my last sports article, I have sort of been having a tough time finding something to write about in relation to sports, so Giggles suggested that I write about a more obscure sport that we might find in a venue like the Olympics. I decided to do a little bit on Team Handball and try to explain it Youngmanridge style in addition to touching on some other sports issues.

Obscure sport of the week (or whenever I do a sports article):

Team Handball

From the USA Team Handball Site, I found this interesting fact: “Handball first appeared in the Olympics in the 1936 Berlin Games as an outdoor sport, with 11 players on a side. It was not played again at the Olympic games until 1972, where it was played indoors with 7 players on each side.”

Sadly, that fuckstick Hitler was the first ruler to host Team Handball in his country during the Olympics

Germans must really dig handball cause the Olympics were obviously held in Berlin in 1936 and Munich in 1972. I think it also brings bad luck to the Olympics. Think about it; Hitler presided over the 1936 games and the tragedy with the Isreali team that occurred in 1972. Or Germans are just fucked up! (I apologize to the German readers for my stereotypical behavior).

Again, I apologize to my German friends, especially because soccer sucks so much and their flag is kinda ugly.

From what I can gather, Handball should be called hockey for pussies. The field is about the same size as the rink in hockey, except it’s a field and the players aren’t on skates. Scoring goals seems kind of similar to hockey; except you can use your hands to grab the ball and you don’t have frozen rubber pucks flying at you at about a million miles an hour or so. At least you can use your hands in the game, unlike Soccer. Joe Rogan would be proud!

Unfortunately, the US team did not qualify for the 2004 Olympics in Athens. At least the sport was invented in Europe, so it’s cool that we didn’t qualify. We don’t want to conform to anything the Euros do! Actually, I was looking forward to cheering for the USA Team Handball team as an alternative to the loser baseball team that didn’t qualify. For fuck sakes man, baseball is our freaking game and we can’t make the Olympics?

Real Sports Shit:

Yanks and Red Sox engage in pissing contest:

It’s either a pissing contest or trying to prove which team has the bigger “dick”. Of course, the Yankees have got laid more, but the Sox still have a 37 foot tall Green Monster. Wouldn’t it be great if both of these fucking teams missed the playoffs? At the very least, not make the World Series.

To the uninformed, the off-season for the Yanks and Sox has gone like this: Sox acquire player, Yanks acquire player. The cycle has continued for a week or two now and I think by the end of it, the Yanks might have a payroll of nearly a gazillion dollars once it is all said and done.

Hey baby, I have a 37 foot Green Monster!

The Lakers and the NBA:

I’m going to talk about the Lakers right now because they are my favorite team and this is my article. The Lakers right now are pretty much kicking ass and taking names right now. Everyone kind of knew it was coming, but they were hoping that all the off-season shit (KOBE) that happened and blending a couple of new guys into the fold would derail the Lakers or something. Right now, the Lakers are the best team in basketball and I will be shocked if they aren’t the best team in June.

On a side note, Karl Malone is a better player than I realized. It took me 20 years and a Lakers uniform, but I will now give the man his props. He’s still a fuck for dissing the Magic man, but if Magic can forgive him, so can Shortstick.

The NFL:

My Broncos are playing kind of mediocre right now (7-5 as of this writing) and they are cool to watch when I actually get to fucking watch them. Instead of getting to watch good NFL teams, in the Los Angeles market, CBS continues to torture us with meaningless games featuring the shitty Raiders. I think I will say shitty Raiders again. Ahhh that felt good! Anyways, thanks to CBS, I don’t get to watch good football games on Sunday afternoon. So yeah, that’s all I gotta say about that. I think before I sign off, I will say this one last time: RAIDERS SUCK!